…when I am heavy hearted because I miss my father.
Sunday morning, I saw him in my dreams right before I opened my eyes. We were riding on a car – a white car – going to UE to pick up the mister and my nephew. I never felt better since then. I want to lock myself in the bathroom and just cry all over again. I miss him. I miss him driving for me whenever and wherever I needed to go.
Is it because I’m learning to drive? I’m sure he’s proud of me up there I easily learned to handle the steering wheel, I keep a good distance and can drive a little slower but definitely getting better at it. After all, it’s because of him that driving seems familiar to me. I used to be in the passenger seat since I was a kid.
Or is it because the little kid’s birthday is coming? He loves Jhia so much he’s even more excited for her birthday than I do. I wish he knew how kulet and daldal she is now. And if he’s here, no doubt he’s just one she’s showing hiper kalokohans to.
For the rest of the day since then, I didn’t feel like doing anything else but to think and remember him alive. I felt shattered.
I still feel the same today.
I miss you Pa. If not because of your excellent cooking skills, Jhia would be so much of a picky eater. If not because of your delicious soups, I would run out of breastmilk supply. If not because of your driving skills, running errands with the little kid would be so much of a hassle. Now everythings seems so hard becuase you’re not here anymore.
I wonder when will I ever going to accept that you’re finally resting in paradise because as of this point, I still cringe at the fact that you’re dead. It hurts so much and is more painful whenever I thought of you and the things that you do. Please help us heal over time.
The pain of someone leaving so suddenly is unbearable. I still wonder what happened while we sleep that night.
If only we knew you’d be gone that morning, we would have not slept at all that night.