Okay, so I’m really taking time to write this.
I feel like it’s been a long time since I last posted something that teally makes sense. I feel like it’s been a long time that I have nothing in mind but sadness and grievance and so I have nothing else to share. So many times I’ve tried to write something that won’t radiate sadness in you. I’ve got a number of posts left in the drafts section. I was about to click the delete button for this blog since I cannot share anything good with you. I was so down like I want to drown myself or even bury on the ground. I was close to depression. I wake up each day feeling heavily empty. I did not attempt nor thought about ending my life, though. I was just filled with questions brought about by the sudden death of my father.
Two – or was it three? – nights ago, I dreamt of him giving me a comforting hug. The next morning, I fet a little better. Like, it was to tell me not to worry about him anymore. Yesterday, I met my friends and it kind of refreshed me.
With these, I am starting to get back up and pick up my broken pieces. I was lost for a long time and now I’m starting to find my way. I guess, it really was Papa’s embrace.
I am grateful for the space I had here where I can say – write, for that matter – what’s inside of me, no matter what kind of mess it was. I really wanted to let it all out but I can find the right person to talk to nor the right words to tell. Everytime I was asked I would just say I’m fine then would only sit in silence. Even I, myself, don’t understand how exactly I felt.
Thank you to everyone who tried to talk to me. And those virtual hugs were really comforting. I am just expressionless for quite a long time and I’m sorry for that.
Thank you for your patience and understanding.
Most importantly, thank you for virtually being with me in going through this phase.
I’m back and ready to share good things and happy thoughts with you again. Slowly but surely, I’ll get through this. Thank you for pushing me up.
Life is a roller coaster. Sometimes you’re going up, sometimes you’re going down. But no matter what, what’s important is that you’re holding on tight to the bar that will keep you in place so you won’t fall on the ground.